Let's have some fun!

I am back. As promised to a friend of mine, I will post something.

Last month, I just got offered from a friend of my auntie to do his assignments, chemistry and physics. I am pretty stoked and quite worried if I have enough time to complete these assignments because I am committed to my work. But, I just take it and I can make some extra money, on the other side.

There, I realized what I love the most. I really love to study and doing assignments. It is what I do the best. To keep reminiscing about what I have learnt in the past, bring back a warm feeling in my heart. It is just something that I wish I am doing right now. Then, last week - my cousin asked for my help in her chemistry matriculation assignment and I am more than happy to help her.

So, what did I do? I am not saying that I don't love my job in Yokogawa as Solution Engineer but from what I evaluated myself, I am not using my fully potential here. It is not even close to 50% I told you but I need to do something. Then, I decided to try a new hobby which is photography. I bought fujifilm xt10 last year - just an investment for me and try few things and it is good. It can help me to sway and deliver between my job and hobby. It is nice to do something apart of my engineer job.

But, another thing is - I am already accepted to University of Manchester for Master of Advanced Chemical Engineering with conditional offer - I can waived the IELTS exam with my English 1119, InshaALLAH. The hardest part is looking for the scholarship and I am still looking there and there, trying my best to pursuit for my happiness and for thing that I can do the best and interest me.

Don't dream it, be it! Chase after your happiness. You only live once. Make it worth. :)

**Just some pictures I captured today at Pantai Kemasik, such a beautiful beach.







Maybe I should try to be a professional photographer someday. Maybe I can try for National Geographic and apply. Who knows where will it might lead me. Someday.

My version of Love Letters to the Dead

Dear Grandma,

I miss you so much. I did not have the chance to spent a lot of time with you. It is one of my biggest regret. Allah do love you more than us. Tonight, I am thinking of write a letter to you. I just miss you. I really miss you. I really do.

I really wish that I can spent more time with you. It is a great big deal for me to have someone to talk to because I believe that you have a lot experience in your life. During the hardness of your life, I know that you have a very hard life. From Indonesia, travel to Malaysia for a new dream and hope. However, when I was Form 1, we got the bad news. Our relatives from Indonesia told us that you have passed away. I still remember that day. My mother, uncle and auntie - all of them crying and can't believe when you are gone. I was a kid, 13 years old - I do understand the pain.

I wish for you and me to spent the time together. Honestly, I have never feel a love from a grandma. I wish to have played with you. Like how Rayqarl plays with my mom. It is a beautiful sight that I will never feel it. I have one picture, only one picture which show me and you during my birthday. With you old clothes, and your eyes - I just realized that you looks like terrified of something. Sad and I can't explain it.

Only if we have the time together, I will be asking about your life. I am more interested with you life and how well you are doing. Life is so hard, I know it from just seeing it but I believe that you have achieved whatever is your goal. Unfortunately, you are not able to see me growing up. To become a man like today. Only if we have some time to spare. But still, it is one of the best experience I have with you grandma.

I love you grandma. I miss you and I really do. Al-Fatihah to my beloved grandma, and you will always in my heart, forever.

Page 312

Sometimes when we say things, we hear silence. Or only like echoes. Like screaming from inside. And that's really lonely. But that only happens when we weren't really listening. It means we weren't ready to listen yet. Because everytime we speak, there is a voice. There is the world that answers back (Love letters to the dead, Ava Dellaira)

Love Letters to the Dead vs The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I am just in the middle of reading, a long very long wait in the wish-list book - Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira. I have been looking for that book like forever. Now, I have the book and almost finished it. I remember it exactly whom did recommended that book. Thanks and it is amazing. But, great deeply - when I read that book- the more I read and immerse myself, the more I feel like I have read a kind of similar book. Yes, it is - The perks of being a wallflower. Also, great book and great movie.

Both of the books - the narrations is quite different from other books that I have read. Like every chapter, it is start with writing letter to someone. Like, Dear you.. Dear someone.. The different of these two books make - one of them using artist as the recipients of the book. Like Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Elizabeth Bishop, Kurt and many more while the others, only using one subject which is dear you. I believe that Charlie is writing the letter to his best friend, who died of shot himself with the gun. The reason, is still unknown because it is not really the main plot of what the writer want to tell in the book.

Another similarity that I found from the books, both of them - have someone special and very close to them - but died of suicide. Laurel is grieving because of the lost of her older sister, and blame herself for the tragic accident and she is the last person who saw her. While in another story, Charlie is losing her auntie Helen which she died because of the car accident. Both of them cant cope with the situation and day by day, things are getting emotional and fortunately, things change for them- which is good.

Just my two cents, how did people cope with the loss of someone who they loved? It is just extremely saddening occasion, because the people you used to talk everyday, and feel her presence - suddenly gone. Forever. To make things worst even, sometimes - there are few things when people are getting attached to any memories - object, place and emotion. Everything is connected and is able to put emotion to the people. How did the cope? Did they learnt day by day to move on?

Just another thing, how does it is possible for a mom or dad - going separately after their daughter die? and leave the other children which is obviously need someone to be closer to them. It is good to grieving and it is the best if we have someone who can rely, who can story together and anybody for depending. So, the only question that I really got through, how does it is happen? I mean, yeah - the parents leave their children to cope all of these by themselves? I will understand it if they are in the mid of 20 or plus, but we are talking about age of 12 and 15, something like that. At this age, everything is so fragile. At this age, you will need someone to depend on, to make role for look forward and suddenly, the parents are not there. Do you see what kind of the problems that the are going to face? How socially affected the children later in the future because they are going to shaped the future but without the guidance of the parents? Do you see what I am talking about?

I guess that is all what I want to share - sometimes, I feel emotional when I am reading books. I take it as a compliment because a good book is a book that can make feel emotional and questioning whatever inside it. Just recently, I am trying to find another books which can help me to read more and more and more because it made me who I am.

jangan menjadi buta kerana..

Ingat tugas di dunia bukan untuk mencari harta kekayaan semata2, tetapi adalah untuk menuntut ilmu. Sebab itu bukan segala2nya, ingat tanggungjawab sebab even benda tu halal, still kena ingat tanggungjawab. Kalo pusing2 sana sini, benda tu still menjadi haram even cukup syarat pasal mengabaikan tanggungjawab. lagi, menyalahgunakan. Pandai pikir la sendiri pasal da besar panjang. Aku no comment. Just menyuarakan di sini.. :)

*This post is in my draft since 2011 and I dont know what I did not publish it yet. There you go, time for updating. This is the second post for 2015 and I don't know what it took so long until June 2015 for updating.

Books..

My hobby. Always been scolded by my mom, to buy book. Always. No matter how many books that I have not finished yet, I still want to buy it. The pic above, still not read it yet. But, it give me a different feeling of satisfaction of what I believe and love the most. This is kind an addiction, but a good one. Reading helps me experience a lot of things that is unimaginable.